Lets Zumba Bitches!

Oh dang….

So I just experienced my first Zumba workout ever.  If you dont know what Zumba is, its a dance workout aerobic type class thing, where you dance your ass off until you sweat off all your lard.  Now, I know exactly what your thinking… Why the hell would I want to go to a Zumba class? Well its quite simple.  I lost a bet.  Now, the person I lost to; I’ve been jokingly mentioning how much fun it would be to take a Zumba class dressed up like Richard Simmons or  the Gazelle guy or pretty much like all the other ridiculous workout gurus out there.  So, one thing led to another and I found myself shaking hands to the terms of myself winning a really sweet original vinyl record of Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory signed by Gene Wilder or losing and Zumba-ing whatever dignity I had left in me.

Before I continue I must mention that Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory is probably one of my all time favorite movies.  Gene Wilder’s voice just resonates through my soul.  Sometimes I even pretend to walk up and down the stairs singing “If you want to live in paradise….” TMI? Well anyways because the vinyl is an original and signed it is pretty rare and worth a pretty penny.

So I lost the bet and now I find myself standing infront of a gym about to step into a class that probably violates all man law.

I get in there only to find the most interesting crowd anyone could expect at a workout class.  The class was made up of 60% of the following people and the other 40% were really hot women.  There were some very thuggish looking women in the corner, old to middle age Japanese group of women, then a mix of overweight people and a few other creepy looking dudes. I walked in wearing a terrible looking 90’s windbreaker suit over some seriously too small short shorts and found a spot between the good looking girls and the old Japanese women.

Now, I am a pretty healthy guy and I find myself in good shape and a decent dancer to boot, so I wasn’t expecting anything challenging from Zumba-laties.  We got going and I kept up with all the moves thus far.  Now positioning myself next to the attractive girls made it really hard for me to keep focus, all that gyrating was distracting me. Everything seemed fine as I was killing it to some Lady Gaga, then things started to pick up. Then some fast paced latin stuff started playing, followed by some Jerking song, then some techno Salt n Peppa Push it remix.  Somewhere between me jerking and pop lock n dropping to Salt n Peppa I got an elbow to the face by a Japanese woman next to me.

Now that it was over with, I would say that the work out was comparable to if you could imagine going to a club and dancing all night with no rest or water.  A little sore but more or less tired from hip thrusts and body rolls.  After the class a few of the attractive girls told me they were really surprised I was able to keep up and that I did pretty good for my first time.  As they were talking all I could think about is how damn sweaty I must be right now as I stood there in my short shorts. Dignity long gone.

Will I ever be returning to another Zumba class?   Probably not, unless its with a big group of friends or as a joke. It was kinda fun, but lets face it I’m not the type who prides themselves in getting in shape by taking Zumba 5 times a week.  My ass feels really tight and my left calf is starting to cramp, im probably dehydrated so I’ll catch you guys later.

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